With the change of spring, so do I change. My birthday is three days away from the Spring equinox and I have always felt a little special being born when the world is awakening as well. (even before I became a witch). As I sit on the exit of my 20’s I am compelled to look a little closer at this last decade. I don’t want to judge myself, but find a more balanced place and way to be. I realize that I was very harsh with myself, trying to force one spiritual path or another, instead of letting it evolve with a dedicated set of practices. So I return to sitting meditations, body work and intuition listening.
One of the biggest changes was moving from Veterinary Science and choosing a non-traditional schooling in Massage Therapy. While I excelled within the Veterinary field it didn’t have the fullness I desired. I also was allowed to learn about acceptance of ones past. I’d attended the University in the past ( just out of high school) and 7 years later i was forgiven academic failings but financial aid had me on probation. Again I excelled at the Science and hands-on classes and maintained a high GPA until I got to the required math classes. Dedication to studying and homework could not overcome the test anxiety I began to experience in relation to math exams. I failed to pass math and the financial aid I was relying on was revoked. For a very long time I was very angry and unforgiving of myself for letting this happen. I am in the process of trying to let this go and see the chance to do something that fulfills many of my desires in the employment area.
To come to a place of creation has been an important step for me.
I’ve always been interested in body work but for some reason viewed it as not a difficult enough path for me. Boy was I wrong! I have had several beautiful lessons fall into my lap since I decided to attend MT school and they’ve all been wrapped up in me honoring myself and my intuition. I’m sure more will come when I get to school in January 2014. I’ve decided to kick my own ass and start a yoga practice up before I get to school. Martial arts left me with a rigid view of body awareness and I’d like to expand on my self-awareness and experience/practice some compassion for myself. While I am grateful for some of the gifts of Ninjutsu I realize that some elements could be transformed into a healthy practice.
Again the lesson of acceptance comes up. The past is what it is and I can not change it no matter what I wish to will into being. I can change my today. We did a meditation before starting yoga that day to. She asked us to visualize a precious possession and my Ganesha statue came to mind. We were asked to listen for a word to breathe into ourselves and “Open” came to mind.
I can move in the now with openness and compassion.